I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks because I wasn’t feeling inspired. I wanted to be able to have some deep, meaningful post to write and put on the site for all to read. Then, as I was rambling in my journal, something I wrote reminded me of something I read about a year or so ago. Essentially, not every blog entry will be a homerun.
We’ve been doing alright the last few weeks. January 18th was the two month anniversary of Keith’s death and I realized that on the morning of the 19th. And then I felt guilty. Then I kicked myself for feeling guilty. Thursday was a little difficult. I was listening to my Christian station on Pandora when MercyMe’s “Homesick” came on. After that, I was on the verge of crying and having difficulty focusing. I was tempted to run away and go home. Instead, I went to lunch. I took my sandwich, chips, and drink and went to my car. It was kind of nice, actually. I had a book, so wasn’t just sitting there. Granted, I had to start the car and run the heater for a few minutes now and then, but still, it wasn’t half bad. By the time my hour was up, I was feeling a little better. Good enough that I could face people and focus on work that needed doing.
Come 5:00, I was definitely ready to go, though, and I knew where my first stop would be. I had my “remember” stone in my hand for most of the drive home. I did manage to not cry (much) on the drive – it’s a little difficult to see what traffic is doing when one’s vision is blurred. I turned into the cemetery and as I crested the first little hill, I saw a familiar car ahead of me and off to the side. Apparently I wasn’t the only the one who needed to see Keith. It was Brian’s birthday. He wasn’t feeling much like celebrating and I understood that. I convinced him that, even though he didn’t feel like it, we needed to. He understood that and we went out to eat. It was a nice dinner. We had a waiter that I don’t recall us having before. Taylor didn’t like him, though. She asked him if we could get some cheese dip and with a completely straight face, he shook his head no. A little bit later, he acted as if he was about to pour tea into her soda – again, straight faced and just stayed put until she noticed him there and what he was doing. Now do you see why she didn’t like him and we did?
Keith’s headstone will be placed either Monday or Tuesday. We’ll be bringing the angel marker home. I need to get with my friend about the tree and see when we can start on our little memorial garden at home. I’m excited about that. It’s going to be in the front yard. I’ll walk out the front door and it’ll be just to my right. Bushes will be the “fence” and in the one corner, there will be a red bud tree that we’ll be getting from Brian’s aunt. At a seminar today, a friend at church told me that she wants to help me with flowers for it. I am beyond thrilled because…. I’m not a gardener! But I really want a place I can go and relax. The backyard has loud and obnoxious dogs (one of which is mine), so it’s not peaceful in the least. Our street is a bit busy, but I believe the hedges will provide a decent barrier for that. As for me not being a gardener, well, I’m starting with plants that “thrive on neglect” and will learn as I go!